Down & Alone
Ξ February 3rd, 2009 | → 1 Comments | ∇ Chat |
I had another terrible day today. I am just down and have no energy. I feel fat and ugly and life just plain sucks.
I miss my family, I miss my things in storage, I miss having a house and the feeling of being settled. My hair sucks, I need to have it cut and died. My skin sucks too, I should get back on the pill which really helps but I can’t decide if I want another baby or not. I am terrified to make the wrong decision and end up realizing that 2 kids is more than I can handle.
I am like a single mother more than half the time because of Celt’s job so it is quite difficult at times to handle everything. I don’t know what to do, I am so confused. I thought we would be living close to family by now where we would have help or at least people to visit and do things with. Maybe even some friends!
Celt has been browsing the internet to try to find me a girlfriend (in a sexual way) but Kentucky isn’t exactly open minded and the ones that are looking for the same as me are either way young (what 20 year old wants to have sex with a almost 38 year old woman) or not attractive. It is not that I am shallow but when it comes to sex you have to be attracted to the other person, no? Maybe I am just shallow. After all, I am attracted to girls that look like strippers or porn stars. Damn, I suck!